Saturday evening Bryce and I decided to get off our tired sick butts and take Bigby to go sit y and play in the river. I grabbed our beach blanket and put of my swimsuit and we left. 

Bigby loved it! He loved the water. He soaked my blanket though. I wouldn't go again without taking chairs.  

Where we were there was this little barge of sticks.

Bryce was proud of Bigby for figuring out how to get on it. 

He's such a good retriever. At the dog park, if someone throws a ball in the fake lake and their dog won't go get it, I can point to it so Bigby see's it and say, "retrieve", and he'll go get it for me. He's so smart. 

Good boy. The work mark can get his attention no matter where we are or what he is doing. When I first started teaching him, "retrieve", he didn't quite get it so I decided to start with, "mark". When I say, "mark", he's supposed to look at me and find what I want him to focus on. He can be all the way across the park playing with other dogs and I can say, "mark", and he automatically stops what he's doing to look at me. It's nice. 

He loves the lake. He takes his ball into the shallow water and like plays with it by holding his ball under the water and dunking his head to get it. Like when I make him retrieve under water. I'm amazed he likes doing that so much. I'm not going to lie, about 3 days out of the month he drives me crazy but most of the time I love him. 

Totally awesome beach bag!

I was doing laundry the other day and my beach bag went through the loads. When it was nice and clean. I decided it was time for a new beach bag. See, every year my family goes to California for a week. Every day we pack up lunches, towels, blankets, chairs, etc. and hit the beach all day, every day. So, I wanted a really big beach bag. One that would make it so all I had to carry to the beach was that one bag. So my hunt began.   I finally came across one Here but I didn't like the fabric. So I copied the pictures and sent them to my sewing  genius sister and asked her if she could make it. She said sure and I went fabric shopping that day. 

Here's the totally awesome result! I think I'm swooning. Over a bag.

Lined in the cute patterned fabric. I bought outdoor, thick, cotton fabric rather then just plain fabric so it would be more durable. Especially since it's lined. 

There are 7 pockets on the outside of varying sizes. Couple small ones for keys and cell phone and then some medium and large ones for books and water. 

My 1 liter bottle and my book to give you an idea of size. Dimensions- 22in long by 17 in wide and 12 in wide. Fabric was 48 inches wide I think and I bought two yards of the patterned fabric and 1 1/2 yards of the plain fabric. My sister used just about all of it. Did I mention that I am in love with this bag. 

My husband and I are taking my sisters 2 children with us until they can join us on Wednesday. With this bag I can carry all our towels, our water, our beach blanket, our books, our everything. All in one bag. My sister even padded the straps. And Not shown is a longer strap so that I can carry cross body over the shoulder as well as the 2 short straps. 

Thanks again, my sewing genius sister! I absolutely adore my new, huge beach bag. 

Adventures with Bigby- Tubing down the river

I love this dog. Sometimes he drives me crazy but most of the time, I adore him. 

For the 4th of July we decided to go tubing down the river. We also decided to take Bigby with us. Yes the 4 hour trip of tubing down the river with out dog. Our very big dog. We took a tube for him but he had no idea how to be on it so he with me on my tube the whole time. He was the hit of the river. We don't have any pictures cause cameras/phones and water don't really get along. Here are some random pictures.

Bigby napping with me. 

He did so good. He was so chill and just layed on me and everyone who saw him had to say hi and thought he was just the best dog ever. I was brimming with pride. 

Bigby chilling/gaming with his dad.

We stopped at the 2 hour mark to re apply sunblock and re situate out tube lay out. Bigby jumped off me and relieved himself and then proceeded to play in the river. He was in doggie heaven. 

My big lap dog. It was hard for me to finally make him ride in the back seat.

Bigby loved to play against the current. I recently have been training Bigby to retrieve his ball under water. Holding his ball down and making him dunk his head to get his ball. Well, at the river he loved to dunk his head in the running water and come up shaking his head. I didn't even have his ball he was just playing in the water. He was having a ball. He'd even go where he couldn't touch the bottom and swim against the current. That worried me. I kept a close eye. But I didn't have to, he is so smart. He knew just a little way to the side was solid ground. 

Bigby, tired after emptying his toy box. 

People were amazed at how good he was. Bryce and Yousif did have to "save" him twice. Twice I ran into something and my tube went out from under us and Bigby baled. It was our first time. We learned from it. 

How Bigby roles.

The second half of the river went totally smooth. It was awesome. Thanks to yousif for keeping us from hitting anything else. Bigby is my guy. I love him. 

To blog or not to blog that is the question.

So, I haven't posted since May and honestly I still don't feel like posting anything.

Why- I am a person of a  different perspective. I look at things differently. I've experienced more pain and suffering then most. I continue to experience pain and suffering on a daily basis. Now, I know what you're thinking, "everyone experiences pain and suffering", I know. Trust me I completely understand. I also understand that you are given what you can handle. And therefore surgery and 24/7 pain for me is just as bad as a broken nail to someone else.

The difference- I don't like it and I'm not going to pretend that I do. I never have a "good" day. I have better days then others but never good. Unless you count, headache, nausea and vomiting, dizziness, constant pain(everywhere), and exhaustion as good. When someone says, "life is what you make it, so make it great", or, "Life is great, so hope it lasts forever", it's horrendously heart breaking for me and feels like a slap in the face. Yes, I know some of you think that is my fault and that I can change that. Please continue on to the end of the paragraph.  When someone says, "how are you", the automatic response should be, "fine, how are you", and for some reason I can't train my self to do that. Instead it's normally a grimace and an, "I'm here". I find that people don't like any of that. They construe me as negative. People don't like negative. I don't feel that I'm negative, just different. I don't believe you choose how you feel. I believe you choose how to react to how you feel.When I got my diagnosis I was devastated there was nothing they could do to treat the actual disorder. I chose to cling the fact that I finally had a name and reason for what was wrong with me rather then wallow in the fact there was nothing anyone could do about it. I choose to let go of the heart break and sting from the slap in the face of the previous statements, rather then to hold a grudge or cry or feel guilty because I must be doing something wrong for my body to be so unhealthy and miserable. (I'm not trust me. I do everything I can, the rest is out of my control 100%)

My position- I could choose to put myself in a drugged out haze on a daily basis and decide to get out of bed twice a week. I could choose to be depressed and wonder why I'm still on this god forsaken earth on a daily basis. I could very rationally, blame my depression and drugged out haze and demobilization, if I chose to live that way, on all my disorders and pain and agony and suffering. Some, actually, 82% in my position do all of or 2 of the above. I don't however. I function to the best of my capabilities. I am in the lives of most of my nieces and nephews as the cool aunt. I have a job that I love and cherish. I make my husband food and do our laundry and keep my house as tidy as humanly possible, for me. I take care of and love and 3 dogs and a cat. I try to help my family and friends as often as possible and offer my assistance as often as possible and with pleasure. I do my best.

The outcome-  My best, apparently, isn't good enough. To just about anyone. My blog used to be a place for my perspective. My opinions, my feelings, my freedom from everything people want me to be and instead just be me. Unfortunately, that didn't last. I was told by a few people that my negativity on my blog brought them down.  I not only have my own feelings and trials but as stated by several psychologists I'm also a hyper em-path. I tend to feel the feelings of everyone I care about and I care about almost everyone. I was recently told by a friend that I came across as one of the least judgmental people she knows and therefore decided to bring a certain situation and feelings into discussions so she could get and unbiased opinion and thoughts on the matter. I love that. That makes me ecstatic that people know they can come to me and discuss things with me free of judgement and take, actually even like my opinion and take it into consideration. At the same time, I feel their pain and anguish like it was my own, along with my own. I am grateful for this. However, it gives me a different perspective, different feelings, different awareness, and usually a different opinion then most. So when a special few told me I brought them down I decided to only put positive things on my blog.  And therefore, find that I have nothing to say. You may think that's horrible, and that's okay but it's the truth. This seems to be a "negative" thing for about 90% of people.

The question- As the title says, to blog or not to blog? I'm not changing anytime soon. You may also think that is horrible. You are entitled to you opinion and I respect that. Do I go back to what my blog used to be for and have regular posts and you as my readers be glad to see regular posts from me again? Or has my break from posting been a relief to you and should I just delete my blog all together? No, in betweens. Sorry, in betweens just ends up  being the latter of the 2. You either get me as I am, or your grateful not to have to keep up with my life or listen to me anymore. Sorry no pictures.