Thursday, September 15, 2011


This is not a word most people would use to describe me. I understand it and yet am still a little bothered by it. Not bothered by the fact that people consider me to be a negative and down person but that my attitude and activity aren't considered positive in my situation. Or that it is the only thing that people notice about me. 

Should situation be considered when deciding if one has a positive attitude? Probably not. I have a friend who, almost every time I talk to her, reminds me that people are generalized not individualized. I also understand this point. If I'm being honest that fact probably does bother me but I try not to let it. I am very rarely included in a generalized statement or group of people. 

Lyrics from Les Miserables, "there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather". How true are these lyrics? Not very. Yes there is a, however, coming. I recently read another blog post about these lyrics. It was a very positive blog post. What everyone wants right? It was all, Every dream can be accomplished, always have hope. Things always get better. Very positive. In my opinion also very unrealistic. 

What does positive mean to you? This is the dictionary definition. 

positive  (ˈpɒzɪtɪv) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

— adj
characterized by or expressing certainty or affirmation: apositive answer
composed of or possessing actual or specific qualities; real: apositive benefit
tending to emphasize what is good or laudable; constructive:he takes a very positive attitude when correcting pupils'mistakes
tending towards progress or improvement; moving in abeneficial direction

a. constructive rather than sceptical

b. (of a concept) denoting the presence rather than theabsence of some property

How important is it to you that someone be positive? Important enough that you'd like them to put a smile on all the time even if they're dying a little inside? Important to degrade and judge them for not pretending everything is fantastic or for not looking on the bright side? Most of you will read those last 2 questions and respond with a resounding, NO, of course not, in your head. However, I guarantee, you've made someone feel like it is that important to you at least once.
  [poz-i-tiv-i-tee]  Show IPA
noun, plural -ties.
the state or character of being positive a positivity thataccepts the world as it is.
something positive.

Although I may not be positive, I find I am a lot of the synonyms for the word positive.

Part of Speech:
definite, certain
absoluteactualaffirmativeassured,categorical, clearclear-cut, cocksure, cold*,completeconclusiveconcreteconfident,consummateconvinceddecideddecisive,directdownright, explicitexpressfactualfirm,forcefulforcible, genuinehardinarguable,incontestable, incontrovertibleindisputable,indubitableirrefutableout-and-out, outright,perfectrankrealspecificsurethorough,thoroughgoing, unambiguousundeniable,unequivocalunmistakable, unmitigated

Back to the Lyrics being unrealistic. There are some dreams that cannot be. For example, I will never give birth to a baby of my own flesh and blood. But that does not mean I won't be a mother. Storms can be weathered and things do get better. This does not mean good. You can survive stage 4 cancer but still continue doing rounds of chemo for the rest of your life. Shall we say, "yay chemo!!". Yes, because if you say, "gosh, I can't stand the nausea and exhaustion and all the chemo crap.", then you are a horrible person and no one wants to talk to you. Now your thinking, yes chemo is horrible but rather then think about that think about the fact that you get to wake up in the morning. You get to see your family. There are a lot of things I'm good at. This is not one of them. My brain automatically goes to, thousands of dollars of medical debt. Waking up to nausea and vomiting, not being able to do anything with family and friends because of medical debt and nausea and vomiting.

  1. Dear Facebook users, if you didn't already know this, facebook is not a sight for personality or your feelings. Unless they're positive feelings, of course. It is strictly a sight for happy goodness. If you post anything else expect criticism, and people telling you that you need to be a better person.I know a woman who is going through really rough time right now. I will not give details but trust me, it would be detrimental to most and crippling to some.  Most of the time this woman starts the day with posts like, "it's a new day and I'm ready to face it". Today however, she woke up to a dead car battery already running late to get her children to school after a sleepless night with a sleepless baby. She expressed a bit of frustration with regard to the way the day started. Which in my opinion is totally reasonable. This is one of the responses she got.

    One time I heard this awesome story and I don't remember very much of it at all, but I remember that there was this super happy guy and someone asked him how he stayed so happy all the time and he said something like, "Every morning I wake up and I look out my bedroom window. Rain or shine, I say to myself 'this is exactly the kind of day I was hoping for.'" Hope your day gets happier!

I know this makes me an even worse person but responses like this irritate the Heck out of me. My response is, "what can I do to make things easier for you?" Not, "freaking get over it and choose to be happy, no matter the situation." Now I know that may not be what the responder meant but that's what it sounds like a lot of the time. My response to that response was, "please, no one hopes for a dead car battery and a sleepless night. If you say you do then you're lying. Lying is just wrong. Way worse then a frown every now and then." I probably shouldn't have said anything. 


I find more and more often that the things I'd like to say are the wrong things to say. This whole post is probably the wrong thing. Definitely not what you wanted to read today right. I also have a hard time just keeping things in my head to, though. 

For those of you that know me. 
Do you think I'm a positive person?
Does that bother you? Be honest.
Have you ever felt like I have judged you? I don't mean, have I ever responded negatively to your actions, I mean judged you?
Do you feel like there is anything I wouldn't do for you if you asked? 
Do you feel that I have ever not listened to your point of view?
Do you feel like I'd ever bad mouth you behind your back, or do you know that I'd bring anything to you first?
On my sickest day do you think you could count on me?
Is there anything you don't think you could come to me with?
Do you think, I am a good person?
Out of all these things, what's more important to you? 
( Questions are rhetorical and do not need to be answered out loud. ) 


Emily Nicoll said...

Hey Callie,
I'm sorry if my blog post offended you. I didn't mean that my life or that anybody's life is going to be perfect, I was just stating that there is always hope. And that's what I believe, But I don't think you should never let on to how you are really feeling. That is important too. Sorry again if I upset you.

Callie and Bryce Christiansen said...

Emily, You didn't offend me in any way. I was simply using your point of view as something different then mine. I loved your post. I only meant that your point of view is far more socially acceptable then mine and that can occasionally bother me but at the same time I understand it. Not offensive in the least. I'm sorry if that's what you got from what I said.

Harmony said...

It sounds like you are feeling defensive, and maybe a little bit guilty, for not being the "positive" person that seems to be socially acceptable. This is my rule of thumb: relationships with other people are give and take. I usually make my friends laugh. A lot! :) So when I am down, or mad, or upset, they're willing to listen to me and put up with my rants or depression, whichever. I don't feel guilty for my feelings, for those times I didn't "choose" to be happy when the world was falling in.

I think as long as you are giving back to the relationship with your friends and family then you have every right to feel sad or depressed at other times... and your friends will be more than willing to help you through those times because you've "paid in" and lifted their life at another time.

Callie and Bryce Christiansen said...

I'm not a sad or depressed every now and then type. I'm a skeptic realist all the time type. But I think I give a lot in my relationships and my friends are amazing.

Harmony said...

I married a skeptic. I don't think that's anything to feel bad about. He certainly doesn't apologize for it! :)

Becky said...

callie, i like you just the way you are. i find it refreshing to talk to you. granted, i do not see you all that often, but i feel you take what you've got and you work with it. i like you. when i talk to you i see things clearly. i like you. hey, did you know i like you?