Wednesday, January 21, 2009

This made my day today.

A friend of mine made a note on facebook titled Man Rules. It made me laugh and I left a comment saying it made me laugh but as I was reading it I thought of an argument for each one. He said he was curious and that I should post them. So I did. Here they are.

Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down:

Finally, the guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now, here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note that they are are numbered "1" for a reason:

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl - if it's up, put it down! We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down...

1. Sunday sports: it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides - let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail and will not be tolerated.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape...round IS a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

My response to the "Man Rules"

Let me start by saying that I love my husband very much and I appreciate him dearly.

Notice my ones are bigger then your ones.

1. I never said you were or that I wanted you to be. If you could read my mind your brain would go into over load from trying to solve yours and everyone else's problems. Then you'd be totally useless.

1. Every time by butt hits that water is 10 days you don't get sex. You're a big boy; ponder on that for a minute.

1. Agreed. Same goes for Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls and Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

1. "Men take care not to make women weep for God counts their tears" Why are you making me cry? Do what I ask the first time I ask without hurting my feeling with some snide comment and I won't cry.

1. How brain dead do you have to be to not get "Honey, take out the trash" from "Honey, the trash needs to go out"? Seriously!

1. Fine, from now on the answer is always no.

1. Sympathy is Comfort. If you can't comfort me then why am I with you?

1. If you quit saying or doing it over and over again, it will be forgotten. I thought that was self explanatory.

1. If I think I'm fat, you better sure as hell tell me you don't think I'm fat or you can sleep on the couch.

1. Quit saying things that can be interpreted more then one way.

1. If I ask you to do something, for Pete's sake, do it right.

1. Same here! If I'm in the last 10 minutes of a show and you start telling me a story, I will shoosh you. And yes, my show is more important then you. In 10 minutes it won't be.

1. You, my friend, are not Christopher Columbus. It's cute that just because you're both men, you put yourself in his league, though.

1. Hence, I do not care for your opinion on what color I choose to paint the rooms in our house.

1. Okay, when you want kids, scratch that itch yourself.

1. It's worth the hassle if you ever want to see me naked again.

1. If it's a question I don't want an answer to, it's rhetorical. Take the hint.

1. This one is true. But not for you, got it? No black shirts with navy blue shorts or brown belts with black shoes.

1. If I ask you what you what you are thinking about, the answer should always be me. DUH.

1. Clothes, Yes. Outfits, NO.

1. Says the man who thinks he can wear black shoes with a brown belt.

1. I am never fat!

Remember, camping is always temporary. I can make sleeping on the couch permanent. Or at least until you bring me flowers and tell me what I want to hear.

Bryce. I love you honey!


Spence said...

Wow. Now (as you know) I have seven sisters, five of them older than me. Thus, putting the toilet seat down was deeply ingrained in me at a young age. But reading your responses makes me really want to leave it up--and maybe duct tape it in that position. Sheesh.

P.S. Women who use sex as a weapon run the risk of having men view sex with them with them with the anticipation of someone holding a gun to their head. Kinda kills the magic. :-)


Callie and Bryce Christiansen said...

I don't ever use sex as a weapon, ask my husband. I only meant that my butt hitting that water would make me not want it.